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User blog:WaglingtonŒ/A Critique of Literally Every Piece of Wikian Literary Work
Hello hello! My name is Waglington, sometimes called Lith or EVERYTHINGYOUHATE. I've noticed a distinct cancer growing in the underbelly of the fanon being written here that is taking the form of fracturing dialogue. Now, I don't know about you, but I've read books before. Unless in very specific circumstances, dialogue is written in paragraph form and designated using quotations, which are typically placed before and after the statement, inquiry, or other verbal expression of thought coming from a character, a comma to signify its end (placed before the closing quotation) and also often include literary devices such as verbal irony and exclamations. Allow me to demonstrate for you the correct formation of dialogue within a piece of literary work: They were in disarray, their efforts to defend the stronghold uncoordinated and disorganized. "I would have expected someone on the Dark Council to put up better resistance," Meetra said as they turned a corner and raced down another hall. "The security chief and all three of his top lieutenants aren't here to rally them, thanks to you," Scourge reminded her. Star Wars: The Old Republic: Revan, Page 285, Paragraph 2. "I'm louder than you so I win this argument," jokingly replied Betty Kagan. She was an older woman, showing clear signs of aging, but showing a certain kind of free spirit and youthfulness despite this. She turned to her teenage son, who demonstrated once again he'd rather dive into a good book than concern himself with politics. "Tom, why don't you come sit with the rest of the family? You look so miserable over there." "You'd be surprised," Tom replied from his desk in the other room, reluctantly rising and striding towards the living room. Ballad of the Mighty I, Chapter 1 Paragraph 5. Now that's all well and good, but what I've noticed on the Wiki lately is the incorrect format of dialogue. Now allow me to demonstrate the practice I've seen exhibited lately that I have dubbed "fracturing." "This place is awesome. How'd you---?" Cannon asked. "Silence." Baron ordered. The entire group of four stood still and silent as Baron looked attentively at his surroundings, before flipping a switch on the ground. At once, a four-by-four opening in the ground was created. A large staircase made of dirt was unearthed and Baron began going down it. The other four stood in confusion as Baron went down, causing him to turn around and scold them. "Come down here you ninnies. The opening will close eventually." Baron said. The four followed him promptly, leading them to an underground room. The room was dimly lit with some kind of odd purple torch, with the walls adorned by glass cases, vases and other decorative items, along with crates and barrels. There was an iron door on the right-side wall. As the four looked around the room, confused as to what exactly they were witnessing, Baron leaped over a counter in the corner and stood behind it. "Welcome to Baron's Wares. Buy something or be eradicated." Baron said. The four looked at Baron, bewildered at his proposal. After a few moments of awkward silence, Rocket stepped up to the counter. "Buy something or be eradica---" "Yeah, I get that already. What do you have?" Haras inquired. Baron reached down from behind the counter and pulled a vase out. "You see this vase?" Baron asked. "Yes. What about it?" Rocket asked. Baron then proceeded to smash it over Rocket's head. "Screw your face, you stupid sheep rapist." Baron said. Rocket and the other three looked at Baron, confused and slightly angered. "What the hell was that for?!" Rocket asked indignantly. "That was for being an idiot back in Etrdor all those months ago. You can't fistfight somebody invading on horseback, retard." Baron told Rocket, who was still clutching his head. Baron hopped out from behind the counter and looked at the group. "And now that that's over with, let's tour other parts of the complex." Baron suggested. The four, confused and slightly afraid, followed Baron through the iron door on the wall. On the other side was a large room with stone walls. Along each side of the room were rows upon rows of large fountains made out of pillar quartz. Cannon, David, Ned and Rocket looked on in amazement. "This is the Roman bath house." Baron said. "Why are there so many baths, though? Does a person really need all these dozens of baths?" David asked. Suddenly, the wall to the right of the group caved in and out emerged a man wearing nothing but a toga, sandles, and a powdered, white wig. "WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF MY BATHING HABITS!" The man boomed. "I DIDN'T BUILD ALL OF THESE BATHS SO A MAN LITERALLY MADE OF DIRT COULD QUESTION THEM, YOU HEATHEN." "So Giovanni's the one. I should have knowm." David said, unsurprised. "Calm down, Gio, it's only David." Baron said. The man suddenly calmed down. "Oh, yes, I remember you now from Etrdor. Giovanni Casanova, pleasure to make your acquaintance." Gio said, shaking David's hand. Gio looked at the other three, examining them closely, seemingly unsure of who they were. "This is Cannonwalker." Baron said, motioning towards Cannonwalker. "Ah yes, the smelly pirate man. Take a bath, you peasant." Gio said, shaking Cannon's hand. "And this is Ned Edgewalker." Baron said, motioning towards Ned. "Yes, the single reason why every psychiatrist in Etrdor simutaneously fled the nation to go live in the solitude of the jungle. Many mental illnesses went undiagnosed because of you and your stalking." Gio said, shaking Ned's hand. "Thank you." Ned replied. "And this is Rocket. Certainly you remember him as well?" Baron questioned Gio, while motioning towards Rocket. Giovanni laughed at Baron. "Not even a little." Gio said, shaking Rocket's hand. After the group settled down, Baron and Gio escorted them to a separate room. Gio made tea and they all conversed. "So Cannonwalker, how's life been since Etrdor turned into a smoldering heap of nothingness?" Baron asked, while sipping his tea. "It's been fine, I suppose, but something has been troubling us all." Cannon said. "And what might that be?" Baron asked. "Rocket's village was attacked by the Kokushi. They're still around and causing trouble, Baron. We need to stop them." Cannon said. Baron set his tea down and folded his hands across his lap. "I've made a considerable amount of money abducting travelers and making them buy my wares, so I suppose we could buy some horses and bows and play them at their own game." Baron suggested. "Sounds like a plan. We should leave as soon as possible." Cannon agreed. "But, but what about the Roman Baths?" Gio asked. "Pack them up and build them in Kokushi territory as a sign of your dominance over their peasantry." Baron suggested. "Yesssssss, perfect." Gio said. Gio began dismantling his Roman Baths as the others packed up supplies to make the trip. Almost the entirety of Men of the Day, Chapter V. It was the evening in the Caribbean. The Fighting Fox in all it’s glory had weighed anchor at a small, uninhabited island. Ned & Richard decided take a walk. “This is a good life we lead, my friend.” Ned said “For the first time in a long time, there is nothing to worry about.” “So, what’s next for us, Ned? The Templars have started to be almost nonexistent due to our work, nobody can touch our fleet, so what’s next for us?” Richard asked “Something will come up. But lets not worry about that crap right now. Life is perfect.” Ezio walked up from behind with 3 cups of rum & handed a cup to Richard & Ned. “Ceci est une bonne vie , mes frères !” Ezio said “You speak French?” Richard asked “There were a few French girls in Firenze a while ago..” “That sounds about right.” Ned said “I’m gonna go for a run. Anyone of you want to join me?” “I think i’m ok, Ned.” Ezio replied “Me too. Signal us if you need help or anything. We’ll be back on the Fox.” Richard said “Alright. Tell Lithium to meet me over at the other side of the island.” Ned disappeared into the trees, as Richard & Ezio headed back to the ship. “Lithium, Ned said to meet him on the other side of the island in 15 minutes.” Richard said Lithium nodded from under his hat and stood up and took the wheel. From under his hat, he noticed a British Man-O-War. Out of nowhere, Lithium yelled “FULL CANVAS!!” “Lith! What’s the meaning of this?” Ezio said “Look behind us.” “I see. I’ll go down below and use the oil drums to light them up.” “Ezio! Make sure you drop some of the fire barrels as well!” “I will. Richard, get on the guns and start shooting!” Ned had also encountered some issues. A navy patrol consisting of 4 people was digging up a chest. Ned approached the lead officer from behind, and held a gun to his head. “Hi.” Ned said to the officer, still holding the gun to his head. The officer spun around, when Ned realized that this wasn’t any officer. This was Lord Andrew Mallace, a close ally of King Breasly. “Well if it isn’t the retard pirate himself! Ned Edgewalker!” Andrew said “Hello, Mallace. Is it the BNO right now or something?” Ned asked “Ned, you should know it’s always the BNO. Heil the BNO.” “Oh. Okay then. Should I shoot you now or are you gonna tell me why you and your potatoes are here?” “If you must know, we’re here on order of the King to look for a buried chest. Also, I’d assume by now that our ship has spotted your beautiful little light brig and is currently pursuing it. You should probably go.” “Screw you… I’d shoot you, but since it’s the BNO, meh, it can wait.” Ned ran to the other side of the island fast as he could possibly run. Back on the Fox, things were tense. Richard had hit a few people from up on the mast with his musket, but nobody of much importance. “Guys! I think Breasly is the one steering that crap! I can’t get a good shot on him though!” Richard yelled “Why the hell would John be steering the ship!? Don’t they have a helmsman?” Lithium screamed “I don’t know! Just pick up Ned so we can get the hell out of here!” “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I’M TRYING TO DO RICHARD!” Just then, Richard got off a shot and hit John Breasly in the leg. “OH DAMN! I GOT HIM IN THE LEG!” Richard yelled “Who!?” Ezio replied “Breasly! I have a feeling we’re gonna be in deep crap for this…” As Lithium reached the other side of the island, Ned dove onto the mast of the Fox. “Hi Richard. I saw Mallace. How’s your last 20 minutes been?” Ned said “I hit John Breasly in the leg with a bullet.” Richard replied “That’s good to know. We’re screwed.” Literally all of Everything is Permitted, Chapter 1. STOP IT. What we are seeing demonstrated on the wiki is not only incorrect - it is an entirely different literary format entirely. Less reminiscient of typical dialogue in a story, and more along the lines of stanzas. Forgive my ignorance - but are you writing poems? I'm genuinely curious. Are you trying to write a poem or a story in paragraph form? The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost. The Road Not Taken is an excellent traditional poem beloved by many as an expression of individualism and content with your decisions. And while I would admire your initiative in introducing new forms of fanon to this wiki, I insist that you clarify on what exactly you are attempting to write. /PJSalt